I shop like I like myself, but that wasn’t always the case (though I never realized that). For years I had “nothing to wear” in a closet full to the brim. Many moons of self reflection later it became clear that there were two major blocks that were keeping me from realizing my self worth: the first was my relationship to my body and the second was my relationship to money. My lack of self worth manifested in several tangible areas of my life, my closet included. If you have a lack of self acceptance, your actions mirror those hidden beliefs, which leads to a life built on a foundation of self doubt.
I noticed that anytime I purchased a clothing item it was to fulfill some sort of lack I felt I had: I’d buy a new shirt because my clothes were no where near fashionable “enough” or I’d buy a trendy top that spoke to whichever personality I was trying to highlight at that moment.
What I didn’t realize at the time was that it wasn’t the item of clothing that I was lacking, it was the feeling I thought that item would give me. Obviously, the feeling the item gave me never lasted long, which is how I ended up with a closet filled with “nothing to wear… like ever” (yes, that last part is a T.Swift reference, please no judgement).
To finally create a closet and a life that reflected my positive relationship with myself, I had to work hard on those areas that needed healing.
Money always felt hard to come by for me. One of the reasons was because I never looked at my income close enough to realize just how much I actually had coming in, I just always deemed it as “not enough” and so it was. When I look back at it, although my salary might have been on the lower side, it still was a chunk of money that so many others were striving for. My lack of gratitude was clear in my lack of ability to shop for myself consciously.
Another reason my money never seemed to feel like enough was because the money I did have was being spent on things I was purchasing from that point of lack. If you believe you aren’t or you don’t then your decisions and actions mirror that belief.
Just like with my relationship to money, my beliefs about my body had to change before the shift came. I had to work hard on healing my relationship with my body – a regular yoga and meditation practice helped with that immensely. If you need a little body inspiration, this video from my teacher is one of my favorites.
For me, it was my body and money, for you it could be different. What doesn’t change is the fact that if we want a healthy closet, positive manifestations, or a life we feel proud of, what first has to shift is our belief that we are worth those things.
Happy self worth shopping to you!