I was looking back in my journal this weekend. Earlier this year I wrote:
“Broken. I don’t feel broken. More like not put together. Like there are pieces around me, and I know these pieces, I’ve studied them, I know where they want to go. Yet, I can’t seem to put them there.”
Have you ever felt like that? Like you know where you want go but you can’t seem to get there? Or you’ve got an idea for what you want, but it’s not fully realized and so those ideas just stay with you, walking around with you as you go through your normal day trying to find somewhere to place them?
I feel that.
I know that.
I don’t have the answer for that.
I can say a hunch tells me there’s fear involved. A hunch tells me that you’ve gotta make a move, one move, any move, and then you’ll have a new space to learn from—whether your pieces fall into place there or not, it’s a step that moves you closer to their place.
A hunch tells me that there’s a good chance you’ll always have pieces around and you’ll always be looking for their place, even when you’ve placed your old pieces. And in some ways, that’s comforting. A reminder that we’re always striving, always reaching—learning, growing.
A hunch tells me that when those pieces can’t seem to fall into place it’s because you’re staying in stagnant position, holding onto security, not ready to jump.
As my teacher Gina always says, “the universe doesn’t put out her net until you jump.”
If you’re familiar with that feeling, I don’t have the answer. But I do know that you’re not alone in that feeling. And I do know you have the capability to place your pieces. You have the capability.
I know those pieces are tests—when we finally try to place them, we’ll be tested. And we’ll be forced to move to a deeper space of thinking, forced to face parts of ourselves that are easier to ignore. And when we face them, we’ll pass the test, the piece will be placed, and we’ll be ready for the next one.
Overwhelming? To me, it’s not. It’s a reminder that I can do it, and I will do it, because that’s what life is—a series of pieces that force us to find our truest selves as we try to place them.
When you see her, say hi to your truest self for me. I know she’s right there with you now.
I know I have the capability
to place my pieces.
I just have to have the courage
to begin again and grow.
Have a happy & healthy week.