If you’ve been a reader of this blog throughout the years, you’ll know that one of my biggest challenges in day to day life is to live for my authentic self while balancing my natural instinct of constant people pleasing. I’ve written about it here, here, and most recently here. After I published last week’s post there was an outpouring of readers who described struggling with the same thing.
We are empathetic, we are sensitive to others’ feelings, and though deep down we know we don’t need it, we are constantly looking for others to approve of our behavior. What most of you described in your notes was the (unreal) feeling of yourself in the eyes of others. In day to day mundane situations you find yourself overthinking small exchanges to the point of exhaustion.
I can relate. For me it often looks like this:
Do they like me?
Did I do that wrong?
Is that person judging me for what I said or how I said it?
Was that wrong? Was I wrong?
Is that semi-frown on that person’s face because of something that I did?
Should I have done that better?
Do they think I am weird for saying that?
My head can be in a constant stream of those thoughts — especially when I’m not grounded, when I’m overtired, or have had a lack of self care.
We know we don’t need another’s approval. So why do we do it? Why do we put ourselves through the constant loop of self-shame in the name others? It’s not another’s problem.
It’s our own problem. And the best part about that is, we can fix it. Easily.
The truth is, not one person cares about your mistake, misstep, or flaw like you do—it’s more likely they don’t even notice it at all.
As I wrote last week, “I am only projecting insecurity, and insecurity is not real.” My love is real. My intention is real. My breath is real.
This week, this year, for the rest of my life, my mantra is, “Aint nobody got time for that.” Because, for real, who has time for the constant loop of “am I right” and “do they approve”? If we look at our time as our energy, its too precious to waste on such an unimportant type of thinking. The more time we spend looping false truths in our our head over and over again, the less time we have for meaningful thought, for personal growth, or to genuinely help others.
Self-shame, over-examination, insecurity. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
Ain’t nobody got time for that.
It’s my time. I decide how I spend it.
Looping false-truths in my head,
is no longer what I choose to spend my time on.
Have a happy & healthy week.