Guru Spirit: That Time I was Blind

This is a part of my spirit story, and it matters very little to you. Except that it just might. As we get the courage to tell our own stories, we heal. It’s through that healing that we give others the space to explore their own stories and heal themselves, too. I could not have shared this story today without first reading hundreds of stories of other spirit seekers first. To be clear, this is not a deeply personal story. I did not hit rock bottom or survive a traumatic life event. For many years, I thought I needed that drama to make my story valid or worth sharing. This is a basic story but it’s one of connection, of truth, and of growth.

It’s 2013, I am the producer of a local abc talk show in Syracuse, NY. I am tired, overworked, totally stressed and completely out of touch with my Self. (yes, Self with a capital “s”.) I get an email from a PR agent about the author of a new book whose coming to my area and wants to be on the show. She has endorsements from Elle and Cosmopolitan and so, despite having never heard of her, I book it.

Three weeks later, I’m prepping for the show and read the book title. It sounds like something I’d like. Not “I” the tv producer trying to be “cool” to impress her new boyfriend, but “I” the spirit seeker I’ve been too busy and insecure to take out of the closet.

The author comes to the show, she’s standing literally a foot away from me. I could introduce myself, tell her thank you for coming, tell her what to expect out of the segment, strike up a professional conversation. Instead, I am tired and grumpy and don’t want to be at work, so I slip quickly past her and get back to my daily morning routine, the one I loved to hate, sitting in the production room producing the show from behind the scenes.

The show happens, the author’s segment is good. I’m intrigued for a minute or two and then I forget about it completely and go back to sulking about my workday. To be clear, I wasn’t always that grumpy at work, but that particular day I was and in that particular role I rarely felt confident or empowered.

Fast forward two years later, I am no longer a producer. I’m getting ready for my next yoga teacher training. I am a new woman. I am no longer tired all of the time, I am confident. I am meditating and breathing deeply and engaging with my Self. I open up my web browser and see my soon-to-be yoga teacher has posted an interview with a familiar looking woman. I watch. The woman takes my breath away, her words speak to me, my toes curl with excitement and while I listen to her I feel as if I am flying on the moon. I pause for a minute, the woman looks familiar. As you may have guessed, it’s the author I ignored two years beforehand.

That author was Gabrielle Bernstein. A spiritual teacher who since that day has become a major role model to me. Now, I have read all of her books, attended her lectures and listened to her recordings on repeat. I have used her words to help me heal old wounds and engage with my Self in a way I hadn’t ever done before. That person I was too tired to recognize years prior was now a dominant force in my life, one I looked up to without ever meeting.

I told you, this is a basic story, nothing explosive. Although, every time I look back at this story I laugh. To me, this story is a reminder to take care of myself– when I take care of myself I am open and ready to receive the little gifts life throws my way. I also love this story because it’s a reminder that life is always throwing us little hints about what’s around the bend.

One major goal of the guru community is to connect to each other as we explore deeper ways to connect to ourselves. I wanted to share my spirit story today in hopes that you will feel comfortable sharing your spirit story too, lack of drama and all.

What is around your next bend? Deep breath. Tune in. Find out.

Love,

Holly