Am I really going to throw it back to Fat Joe in today’s Monday Mantra? Hell yeah. Lean back.
I was looking back in my journal this weekend. Earlier this year I wrote:
“Broken. I don’t feel broken. More like not put together. Like there are pieces around me, and I know these pieces, I’ve studied them, I know where they want to go. Yet, I can’t seem to put them there.”
The last month I’ve been in a bit of a haze—between stress, to-do lists, and too much future tripping, I let my soul-priorities go right out the window.
And you know what happened? Not that much. I still did everything I had to do. I still had accomplishments. I learned things. I got through my days.
As mindful guys and gals we’ve done our inner work, at least some of it. We’ve looked at the parts of our personalities that could use more compassion or less fire and we’ve improved. One thing I’ve noticed about myself this past week is that when I get out of my daily routine those bad habits I’ve worked on in the past, like being overcritical of myself and others, can creep back up and try to take over my mind once again.
I’m actually not stupid. Or wrong. Or different from anyone else. But you know what? It’s taken me about 32 years to realize that.
When it comes to intimate details about myself, I’ve always been a very open person. If someone asks me about a certain situation and I’d tell them the truth, however weird or uncomfortable it was. Maybe not all the time—I follow basic social cues and try not to be too inappropriate—but if I’m having an honest conversation with a person, close friend, casual friend, neighbor, or otherwise, I usually let the truth out when asked.
Truly, I’ve shared very intimate details about my life with people who had no business knowing them. And you know what? I’ve always been embarrassed about this quality of mine.
We know the things we want to be working on; self care, meditation, reading that book, writing our own book. We say we are going to do it, we may even write it on our weekly to-do lists, yet more often than not those things we want to do get skipped over for the things we have to do.
That girl. She bugs you. She has what you want. She does what you do, sometimes she does it better.
She’s working so hard to be something that you are also working so hard to be.
She bugs you.
She is you.